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ARE YOU FACING A MANIPULATIVE FRIENSHIP OR REALTIONSHIP?
It is a very important factor to decide whether to be or not in a friendship or relationship? How much should you try to make peace with a friend or in a relationship? As a spoiled relationship or a friendship may be impacting you on various fronts.
Read the Signs,I will be sharing more. Do share your thoughts and experience for benefit of others.
This strange phenomenon plays a critical role in every one of your friendships and relationships, just imagine you and your closest friend get in a fight, maybe you butt heads over a stupid misunderstanding, you both lose your tempers, you both feel frustrated and angry and the fight may last for a few days but during a fight how do you feel about your friend? Do you still like them?
Don’t you even if you’re fighting your feelings about your friend haven’t changed it works the same way in romantic relationships if you and your partner get in a fight you still love each other even if you’re frustrated at the moment? This is object constancy it’s your ability to maintain positive emotions about someone despite feeling angry or annoyed in lasting friendships and relationships object constancy keeps you moving in the right direction.
You can apologize and makeup because the love between you still exists, but what happens when you argue with a manipulative friend or partner?
When a manipulator gets angry, their object constancy flies out the window, they’ll insult you, they’ll degrade you, they’ll yell at you, they’ll treat you like a complete stranger as though your friendship or relationship never existed. When a friend or partner reacts like this, it’s tempting to blame yourself you feel you made a huge mistake and you try to undo the damage you’ve done, but the problem isn’t you but it’s them, their feelings for you are selfish and shallow they don’t care deeply about you as a person they only care about what’s best for themselves and that’s why their love for you disappears when things get heated.
Guilt is one of the strongest weapons for manipulative people, it’s a tool they used to avoid their own mistakes pass the blame, and take advantage of others. There are two kinds of weaponized guilt:
The first upfront and obvious a manipulator will create guilt using a direct accusation these accusations are often shamelessly unfair and easy to recognize but that doesn’t make them any less effective. Just imagine you’re playing basketball with a friend, the game gets a little heated and you accidentally knock your friend to the ground your friend falls awkwardly on their wrist and they end up.
In a cast, in the weeks after your friend may blame you directly for their injury, they may convince you to run errands or do favors for them saying you’re the reason I Can’t do it myself. When someone consistently blames you for something, especially if it was accident guilt is a natural response you want to make it up to your friend you didn’t mean to hurt them so you give in to their guilt trips hoping a few favors will even the score, but that rarely ever happens instead a direct manipulator takes advantage of you as many times as they can no matter how bad it makes you feel.
the second guilt is much more subtle let’s say the same scenario happens you’re playing basketball your friend falls and breaks their wrist, the next day your friend may say something like, I would make lunch if only my wrist wasn’t hurting so badly.
This time your friend is creating guilt without accusing you of anything but it’s implied after hearing a comment like this you feel responsible for your friend’s injury, you feel guilty that they got hurt because of you and each time your friend emphasizes their pain or limitations it feels almost like a direct accusation.
Weaponized guilt is one of the common and destructive habits in any friendship or relationship guilt is used to make someone else feel bad to take advantage of them for your own personal gain if your friend or partner uses guilt regularly you’re being manipulated.
Manipulative friends and partners use your fears and emotions against you this can be an incredibly confusing and painful experience, it’s one of the most prevalent forms of emotional abuse because, your friends and partners know you better than anyone they know what you’re insecure about they know what you’re afraid of and they know how to hurt you, so what does emotional blackmail look like?
There are many ways to blackmail someone, but insecurity is the common denominator. Your friend or partner uses your worries and anxieties to make you doubt yourself, and that self-doubt drives you further into their clutches.
Imagine you’re thinking about leaving your partner, you’re having doubts about the relationship, so you brought up these concerns to your partner but they don’t listen instead your partner uses emotional blackmail to trap you inside the relationship. They say, at your age, I’m the best you will get.
Suddenly you feel insecure and afraid, you wonder if your partner’s right and your confidence disappear. Now, this isn’t the only emotional blackmail out their manipulators also use threats warnings and intimidation to instill fear in their partners, some use insults and criticisms to shatter your self-esteem, others use your past against your leveraging one mistake repeatedly emotional blackmail is not just manipulative it’s abusive if your friend or partner is emotionally blackmailing you it’s time to leave that person behind.
Does your partner text you constantly? Do they pester you with questions like where are you and what are you doing?
This kind of behavior is called monitoring driven by anxiety or insecurity, your partner feels compelled to keep tabs on you they’re worried, you will betray or cheat on them so they go to great lengths to monitor and control your behavior. In the beginning, monitoring doesn’t seem that bad your partner may act a little needy, but neediness isn’t always negative.
Many relationships resolve that neediness by fostering a strong trusting bond, but what happens when that neediness grows? What if your partner is constantly compromising your space? What if your partner floods your phone with calls and messages every time you leave the house?
Your partner claims they’re just worried about you, but monitoring is manipulation your partner wants to control and restrict the things you do, they want to know about every nook and cranny of your life not because they care about you but because they want to control you.
Let’s say your partner calls you repeatedly when you hang out with your friends, now on their own, a few phone calls are harmless right but over time your partner will create a rift between you and your friends and that way you spend less time with your friends and more time with your partner, so just pay attention to the way your partner acts when you apart do they give you space and trust you deserve or do they hover over you every second of the day if the latter sounds familiar you may be in a manipulative relationship.
This manipulation can be difficult to spots but it can easily turn any friendship into a toxic dynamic. Self-victimization means playing the victim your friend or partner may frame themselves as the innocent victim of every situation. The world is always coming after them and they’re never at fault in any relationship victims pass the blame into their friends and partners victims think they’re doing everything right; they believe they’re putting in all the effort in the relationship; they think they’re the ones doing all the work while framing you as lazy or selfish.
Playing the victim is just as manipulative as anything else on this list you play the victim to make others feel sorry for you, it uses a subtle combination of guilt and shame to tug on other people’s heartstrings.
Victims act like you’re the source of every problem in their life while completely ignoring their own faults. If you know someone with a victim complex, don’t let them control you, it’s difficult to see through their lies criticisms and backhanded compliments but if your partner constantly plays the victim you’re being manipulated.